i was LAZY (6mons delayed)

Last Saturday, July 7, 2012, a dream come true for the young Ilonga Myrtle Sarrosa as she wins PBB Teens Edition 4.

Since it first aired in 2005, Pinoy Big Brother as a reality show has produced celebrities that have the potential to withstand the test of time in Philippine Showbiz; two of which, Gerald Anderson and Kim Chiu. Hence, PBB has also become a shinning beacon of hope for the millions of ARTISTA WANNABEs (substituting the epic fail Star Circle Quest).

And yes, I was one of them.

I remember the first time I tried to audition for that show; I thought I had it in the bag, considering my personality. I believe I will be one of the most colorful characters that will ever be on the show.

Obviously, I didn’t make the cut.

On that season, Melai Cantiveros won.

She captured the heart of the mass with, purely, her personality.

Years after, I found myself trying out for the second time, but after two hours of painstakingly standing under the heat of the sun, between thousands of sweaty fellow hopefuls, reality hit me.

One shot. For most of us, that’s all we really need, to showcase every minute detail of our being, what we are made of, what we can do, offer, prove. It’s not a question of talent anymore, it’s a game of chance, whoever luck will favor, it’s all about right timing.

It sucks to realize that we really are all beggars in life trying to make our dreams come true. We solicit time, trust and chance to those who already succeeded in life.

I wont be part of that unfortunate circle anymore. I am taking back my divine right to take control of my life and go thru it how I want it to be.

True story.

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Gift of gab – the ability to speak in a persuasive and interesting way – can actually be a curse.

People say I come on too strong, that I am outspoken, frank, and tactless, that most of the time I either intimidate someone or irritate someone. I say, I’m just straight, candid, and sincere.

Nonetheless, I tried to tone down and filter the things I say, although admittedly, there are those constant word vomits, but I try, I really try.

For a certain time, I tried to hold back on voicing out what I feel, what I think, regarding random matters, issues, and people.

I try to be the bigger person and just give a nod, a smile, a slight giggle, and almost, seemingly, acting stupid.

However, recently, while having a great time with friends, I was singled out by someone when he called my attention and pointed out, yet again, my strong personality. I felt I was attacked, but I politely answered, “I get that a lot but I’m not aware, I believe I am nice”.

After that night, I tried to look back on the things I might have said that triggered him. But it kept me wandering, clueless.

Also, it really made me think that no matter how hard I try to control myself, I always end up being noticed, is there something wrong with being confident(?) oh yeah, I know the difference between that and a show off. I don’t brag, I just share, I don’t criticize, I just advise.

And so I decided, I will no longer keep my flair from burning just not to intimidate people or outshine anyone. As they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

I have an opinion, a rational one. I have a voice, a big one. I embrace my, if ever it is, curse.

I cease to be SSHHH’d. Hence — TROUTY MOUTH.